Chapter Four
Elizabeth was determined to see Josh again, she didn't care what he had said, or meant by it. She never felt this, this weird sensation he brought to her when they were together. Everyday for the past week she went to her spot in the woods, wistfully wanting him to appear like he always did when she thought of him. Every day she sat there and he didn't appear, made her that much more determined to see him again. Josh couldn't just leave, not after the way he kissed her. Not after she could finally admit that she wanted him as much as she needed him. He made her feel, completely new, like before she wasn't really living at all. She didn't want to lose that. She was dangerously close to losing it, considering Scott asked for her hand the day before. She could still remember wishing as he asked it was Josh. Elizabeth had told him to let her take a day to think it threw.
She didn't want to marry Scott Haring. She didn't want to be Elizabeth Haring. She wanted to be Elizabeth Chisum. She wanted to hear Josh say the words that Scott said. Wanted Josh to admit to her and everyone how he felt. She knew he must feel the same way as her, or her wouldn't have said the things he had, or done the things he'd done. If only he'd just appear. Just for a minute so she could ask him, ask him if he truly wanted her, or if she should just remain with Scott. As it was her mother was extremely happy when she heard Scott proposed. Her mother put her down when she found out Elizabeth had not said yes on the spot, but how could she. How could she look into Scott's eyes wishing they were Josh's emerald eyes, and say yes to him? It wouldn't be right. The only way she could say yes to him was if Josh were to tell her he didn't want her. Even if he did, she wouldn't believed him, not after the way he kissed her. It made her shiver thinking about it.
Josh slowly paced in his small living room, very carefully going over the pro's and con's of meeting Elizabeth in their spot. He wanted badly to go to her, ask her to runaway with him. He was no fool, he knew her mother would never approve of him, he had known it two years ago when he entered there house. She didn't trust him, her mother knew there was something, off, about him. Of course she was right, but it frustrated him to know Elizabeth's mother would rather see her with a mere simple minded man that would never truly love Elizabeth like he could and does, than with him. He knew that if he went to Elizabeth that she would do anything to be with him, to be with him. He carefully listened in to Elizabeth's thoughts, focusing hard on how she felt.
Elizabeth stood up and began pacing. She just wanted to see him, she wanted him to hold her and tell her he loved her. She wanted the truth. Wanted him to come to her. Josh could have already left town, again. Maybe she should go find Scott and tell him how she felt. Let him know she felt this way for another man. Maybe then he would withdraw his proposal, any sane man would. Scott will never be Josh Chisum. No man will ever compare to him. Elizabeth knew that her heart would always belong to him, no matter if he was hers or anothers. She would much rather him be hers and only hers, but it doesn't always happen that way. Maybe she isn't meant to be happy. If she was then Josh would be here now, declaring the love for her that she saw in his eyes. Saying everything, but nothing to try and convince her to have him and not Scott. Maybe she just isn't what he thought she would be. He probably thought she'd be different more like a woman he wants, whatever that was.
Josh punched his wall in frustration. He couldn't let her think that way. Couldn't let her tell Scott she would marry him. She was right, he should declare his love for her. He should tell her exactly how he feels and no less than that. He wanted to see in her eyes exactly what he felt. He wanted to see her blush and smile when he smiles at her. Wants her to want him. And Elizabeth does want him, but she doesn't know. If she knew she wouldn't. They all turn away when they find out. She wouldn't be any different. Although, he never felt this tug and pull with any of the others, not like this with Elizabeth. It truly amazed him. To feel connected to her almost. Like she was the only person with him, even when she's miles away. He left her once, ran away from this once. He didn't want to make the same mistake twice. Didn't want to know she was even trying to be happy with anybody other than him. He would have her, all of her, he was determined to beat the odds. He opened his door and began walking as fast as he could without anybody noticing him. He was going to see her. Going to their place and was going to declare how he felt and hope that she really felt the same.
As Elizabeth was beginning to leave Josh appeared in the entryway. She couldn't help the smile and blush as she saw him, or the way her heart began to race thinking of the last time they had been here together. "Josh, i hoped i would see you." She walked to him boldly and grabbed his hand to pull him in deeper where nobody could hear them. "I am so glad to see you. I have missed you." She smiled as he interlaced their fingers and kissed the back of her hand as they sat down.
"I know Lizzie. I have missed you too, more than you know. I have been trying so hard to stay away from you, but i don't want to anymore. It's too hard. I'm simply drawn to you." Josh looked down at their hands and smiled to himself. She was perfect. She wouldn't run away from him, no matter what he told her. He loved her. Elizabeth would be his.
"Scott asked for my hand. I don't want to be his bride though Josh, i want to be-," Elizabeth stopped herself before she said something that might scare him away, he just got here, she wanted it to last. "Well, i just don't want to be his. I don't want to belong to him. Where have you been Josh? Why haven't you come back to me here? Was it the kiss, if it wasn't good for you i am sorry i am not experienced with that at all and i wasn't su-." Josh stopped her rambling by kissing her. He let it stay sweet and gentle, easy. Running his hands up to her neck, keeping her where she was. When he pulled away she stayed silent and just watched him with a dazed, but content look in her eyes.
"Lizzie, i told you i am not going anywhere, you shouldn't fear that. You are to much to leave, too good to leave. And just so you know that kiss was not good at all," He smiled as she frowned and took her hand from his. He took it back and held it tight. "It was amazing Elizabeth. Kissing you was like nothing i have ever experienced in my whole life, which is a very good thing my love." He watched her face brighten at his words and felt himself brighten as well. Everything was so different with her. He never cared so much how anybody else felt like he cared about how she felt. "Elizabeth, i love you. I don't want you to marry Scott. I don't want you to be Mrs. Haring. I want you to marry me. I want you as my bride. My Wife. I can't give you everything that he can, but i can give you my love, my life, and everything i have." He stroked her cheek and listened as a thousand thoughts entered her mind and left again as she smiled at him.
"Oh, Josh! I have been waiting for you to say that! Oh, i love you, i didn't think it would ever be possible to feel this way after only a short time, but i do. It is so much more with you. I don't need anything more than your love to be happy." Elizabeth threw her arms around Josh and couldn't stop smiling. She didn't actually think he would say that to her. She felt so crazy, as she planted a firm single kiss to his lips in her happy moment and blushed at his surprised smile.
"Runaway with me Lizzie. Your mother doesn't approve of me. She will never allow us to be married. Leave with me, marry me." Josh kissed her again allowing it to become deeper as they both let themselves go with their happiness. He wanted to stay with her like this forever, in this moment. Never let her go. Never face reality, but he had to tell her he knew he had to tell her, or she would never really be able to love or hate all of him. She pulled away to look at him.
"I will do anything for you. I will leave with you tonight if that's what you want. I want to be yours Josh. I want all of you, forever." Elizabeth smiled as she felt her racing heart certain Josh too had felt it. She would need to go home and pack a few clothes and then she would leave after her parents went to bed. She would leave to be happy. Because her mother would never allow her to marry Josh he was right, so she would take things into her own hands for once. Elizabeth's smile faded slightly as she saw reluctance in Josh's eyes. She began to allow her thoughts turn to panic as she watched him. He didn't mean it did he? He didn't really want to be wit her. He couldn't she knew it.
"Elizabeth, i have to tell you something. I love you and i need you to know or you can not truly ever love me." Josh paused and watched Elizabeth closely. He wanted to take in all of her. Wanted to remember how beautiful she looked. Wit the blush still in her cheeks from his kiss. Her hair slightly falling down around her face. And her beautiful trusting eyes. He wanted to memorize her. "I don't know if you will feel the same so after i tell you i am going to leave. If you still feel the same about me and want to marry me and leave with me, meet me here tomorrow night. Meet me and tell me then that you love me Lizzie." He stopped again letting her take everything he said so far in. Letting her process it.
"No matter what you say i will love you Josh, there is only ever going to be you for me. I love you." Elizabeth was past panic now, but held true to her words, she would love him no matter what he said. He can never say anything about himself that she wouldn't love. Nothing.
"Elizabeth i don't know. I really hope that's how you will always feel, no matter what i am about to tell you. Lizzie, I'm not like any man you know. I'm different, I'm, I'm a vampire..." Abruptly Elizabeth jumped away from him not knowing what to do. Josh fought to control his emotions crossing his face as he rose and left without looking back once. He really hoped that she wouldn't think him a monster. He didn't want her to hate him. Most of all he hoped that he would see Elizabeth there tomorrow looking beautiful in the moonlight, waiting for him, waiting to runaway with him and be his forever, no matter what he was.
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